YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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