She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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