okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
