I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize