Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize