And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
