I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
