Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
