I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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