I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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