And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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