So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
