Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need a beard to bite.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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