she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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