Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
