I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
50% drunk capacity currently
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
