Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
