What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
