i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
