i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize