now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
