Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
