She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
