i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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