I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
