bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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