I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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