There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face