Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together