I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK