How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
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If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?