Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.