If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
