y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize