my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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