Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
