9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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