I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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