Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
