I heard we made out
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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