his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
