what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
