i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
