I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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