Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
