Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
