"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
