I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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