So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
