i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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