2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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