I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
