So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
