I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
