Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
