I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
