I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
