Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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