When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
