he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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