just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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