his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
