If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
