maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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