she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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