so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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