You're so nebulous sometimes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
