I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
