I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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